I Hope You Find It
by CamillaxbG
Summary: Caitlyn Geller was a though girl, she wasn't afraid of many things. But when she loses someone dear to her, she has to face her worst fears. Will she be able to get him back, or is it too late. CxN One shot


My second one shot. I hope you all like it, don't forget to review.

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**I hope you find it **

''Why did I do it Mitch. Why?'' Caitlyn yelled at her friend. She was hyperventilating, and she was pacing around in her room. Mitchie sat completely still on the bed, watching her best friend with concern and amusement.

''I ended it, and just because he had to leave. I mean, it probably was the best thing to do; I wouldn't have been able to see him anyway. But it shouldn't have ended this way.'' She rambled on; she had been saying the same things for about an hour by now. She had been asking Mitchie the same question over and over again. But Mitchie still hadn't been able to answer, because Caitlyn would go into hysteria right after the questions.

''What am I saying; it wasn't the best thing to do. I was bitter and selfish. Come on, I would have done the same thing if it had been me. It is a chance of a lifetime.'' Finally she admitted something she hadn't been able to do in the last two months, and suddenly she stopped passing around and stood frozen on the spot. She took in a big breath and looked over at Mitchie. She looked hurt, confused and lost. Mitchie felt sorry for her. She stood up and walked over to Caitlyn, pulling her into a tight hug.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Mitchie finally dissuaded to ask the unspoken question she had wanted to ask for so long now.

''Why don't you just apologize Cait?'' She said delicately and in a soft tone. She had expected Caitlyn to throw another tantrum. To say that she couldn't, but she didn't, she just looked up at Mitchie lost and in need of help, and then she said one word.

''How?'' Mitchie was taken aback. What did she mean by how? And why was she asking her? Caitlyn was normally the one with all the great ideas. She was the one that normally would be helping Mitchie with problems revolving Shane.

''Do something that really shows how you fell. Something he knows would take a lot from you.'' Mitchie said, she couldn't come up with an idea on her own, but she counted on Caitlyn to come up with one on her own. She just needed some encouragement.

It took Caitlyn a couple of minutes to answer in which Mitchie just stood still and waited for Caitlyn to come up with something. She could see on Caitlyn's face that she was busy trying to figure something out. And then a light went on in Caitlyn's head.

''I have the perfect idea.'' Caitlyn said smiling for the first time in a long time. '' But I need your help.'' She added before she went over to her computer and turned it on.

All of a sudden she turned her head to look at Mitchie once again ''Oh, and I'll probably need your boyfriends help too.'' She was grinning from ear to ear.

Mitchie raised her eyebrows and looked at her confused. Caitlyn just lightly chuckled before she turned back to her computer interring her password.

''What are you going to do?'' Mitchie said giving into Caitlyn. She knew that it was the exact question she had wanted to hear. She whipped her head around and smiled brightly at Mitchie.

''The only thing I'm afraid of.'' She sounded proud and at the same time scared.

''But you aren't afraid of anything Cait?'' It wasn't a lie; there were no sarcasm in Mitchie's voice. Because Mitchie truly didn't know anything Caitlyn Geller was afraid of. Not one thing.

''Yeah there is one thing I'm more afraid of than anything. And Nate knows that'' she wasn't smiling anymore. At the mention of him she became sad once more. Mitchie was still as confused as before.

''I don't understand.'' She said honestly. Why couldn't she just explain it instead of being this vague?

''You will. I promise you'' Caitlyn said and then she turned around again, looking at her computer. And Mitchie was still standing in the middle of the floor looking confused.

''You are going to their concert in New York right? Before they leave again.'' The question came out of nowhere and Caitlyn didn't even turn around when she asked.

''Of course.'' Mitchie was more confused than ever, why did she need to know that all of a sudden. She walked over to Caitlyn and sad down on the chair next to the one Caitlyn was sitting on.

''Could you ask Shane to get me a ticket?'' Caitlyn asked with a pleading look. She was looking at their homepage and it looked like all tickets were sold out for the concert in New York.

''Probably.'' Mitchie sounded unsure, partly because she didn't understand why Caitlyn needed the ticket and partly because she wasn't sure if Shane could get one if the concert was sold out.

''Good. Then I just need one more favor from him.'' She said turning the computer off and going over to her bed where her phone was currently lying. '' But I probably should ask him that myself'' She said more to herself than to Mitchie. She found Shanes number and called him up, waiting for him to answer.

''Cait would you please fill me in on this?'' Mitchie whined getting tired of being out of the loop.

''Yes yes of course. But I need to talk to your boyfriend first.'' Caitlyn said distracted and before Mitchie could answer Shane picked up.

''Hallo?'' An unsure voice said.

''Hey Shane, I need something from you. I know you probably hate me, but I'm going to make everything alright again.'' Caitlyn said in a rush making sure he couldn't interrupt her.

Caitlyn and Mitchie arrived at the same time. They where there teen minutes before the concert would start. Caitlyn had decided that they had to be there as late as possible, that way she wouldn't back out. And Nate probably wouldn't see her, if they where there just before the concert started. The plan wouldn't work, if he knew that she was there.

They took the back entrance, and since they had already been here before the door man didn't ask any questions, he just locked them inside. They had been in New York for the past three day's seating everything up. Shane and Jason had helped them with the preparations without Nate finding out.  
Once they got into the stadium where the concert where being held, they made their way down to Shane's dressing room as planned.

They opened the door and found the room empty. A flat screen in the middle of the room was showing the screaming fans. It was streaming the concert live. The girls sat down on the couch and waited for the concert to start.

Caitlyn started playing with her sleeves and it was clear she wasn't watching or thinking about what was going on, on the screen. Mitchie reached out to her and took a hold of Caitlyn's shaking hands.

'' You can do this Cait, we all believe in you. Shane and Jason forgave you, and now they are rooting for you. I'm sure Nate will forgive you too'' she smiled and tried to make Caitlyn relax by softly stroking her chin.

''I know that you all believe in me, and I'm so glad that Shane and Jason forgave me, they have been such a big help the last couple of days. But Mitchie they weren't the one I broke up with even though he said he loved me'' Caitlyn admitted. Mitchie looked at her stunned.

''He told you he loved you?'' She asked, she hadn't been told this side of the story.

''Yeah he did. Just before I left him.'' Caitlyn said embarrassed. She felt so bad for doing that to Nate, which was why she hadn't told it to anybody. Not even Mitchie.

Mitchie just looked shocked and bewildered. But then she smiled at Caitlyn and hugged her.

''Then you have nothing to be worried about Cait. If he loves you he'll most definitely forgive you'' Caitlyn looked up at her with hope in her eyes.

''You really think so?'' She sounded so vulnerable. Mitchie had never seen her like this before; it almost brought tears to her eyes, so to make sure she wouldn't cry she just nodded trying to encourage her.

And then Caitlyn's phone started ringing. She took it, and listened for a couple of seconds and then she nodded her head, and muttered a faint yes before hanging up. She then looked at Mitchie.

''It's time'' It was the only thing she said, before she raised from the couch and made her way out of the room with Mitchie following suit.

Once they got to the stage a lot of people where rushing around making different arrangements. Someone came over and started explaining everything that was going to happen to Caitlyn, but she wasn't listening, she was in a whole other world. So when people started putting different wirers' on her she didn't protest even though she probably would have it hadn't been for Nate.

She could look straight out onto the stage. And there in the middle of it all Nate stood singing his heart out. He looked just as she remembered. But then again it had only been a month since she last saw him.

''Miss Geller. 1 minute left'' A woman said, and then they all left her and Mitchie alone.

Mitchie took a hold on Caitlyn's hand, but she didn't even notice. She was busy trying to calm herself down and convince herself that it wasn't so bad. She was after all Caitlyn Geller, the girl that in reality weren't afraid of anything. Or at least that is what people thought. And after this it would be the truth. She just had to look her fears in the eyes and do it.

The song ended and Nate thanked the crowd. Shane then took over, Caitlyn could hear someone talking to her, but she still wasn't listening. She wanted to hear what Shane had to say.

''I hope your enjoying the concert. Tonight we have a special treat for you all. It is her depute so be nice to her. Everyone may I please introduce our friend Caitlyn Geller'' Everybody started screaming, and Shane just grinned and looked over at Nate who had the most shocked look upon his features.

Caitlyn slowly stepped out onto the stage, with a little help from the push Mitchie gave her. She didn't smile, and she was making sure not to look at Nate who was now looking straight at her. She slowly made her way over to Shane. He smiled at her and gave her a hug.

''You can do it Cait'' he whispered in her ear. She smiled at him and nodded before taking the mike.

Caitlyn took in a big breath before she looked out on the audience and smiled. She was going to do this for Nate. He deserved to know how she felt.

''Hello everyone this is a song I have written for someone who really means everything to me. This person left to discover the world, and I didn't get to say goodbye probably, which I would like to do now''

Then the music started playing. Nate, Shane and Jason had gone over in a corner. And Nate was now watching Caitlyn closely. He showed no emotions on his face.

Caitlyn took in one last breath before she started to sing.

_These clouds aren't going nowhere, baby  
Rain keeps coming down  
I just thought I'd try to call you, baby  
For you got too far out of town  
And I hope that you get this message  
That I'm leaving for you  
Cuz I hate that you left without  
Hearing that I needed you to_

As she started to sing she remembered the night everything had happened.  
Nate had come over to her saying he needed to tell her something important. Caitlyn had known something was wrong the second he had stepped into her room. He hadn't looking at her and he hadn't said anything._  
_  
_And I hope you find it  
What you're looking for  
And I hope it's everything you'd  
Dream your life would be so much more  
And I hope your happy  
Where ever you are  
I wanted you to know that  
That nothing's gonna change that  
And I hope you find it  
_

It had taken him along time but in the end he had gotten it out. He was supposed to go on a world tour for a year. Some of the shows would be in America but in different states. But mostly they would be performing in had always told her it was a dream of his, to see the world. But she hadn't thought it would be so soon. He had told her that they had been asked to go a month ago and had just accepted it three days ago. _  
_  
_Am I supposed to hang around and wait forever  
Last words that I said  
But that was nothing but a  
broken heart talking baby  
You know that wasn't what I meant  
Call me up, let me know that you  
getting this message I'm leaving for you  
Cuz I hate that you left without  
Hearing the words I needed you to_

Something inside Caitlyn had snapped, instead of being sad and happy for him, she had become furious. She hadn't been able to understand how he could accept since he had her. How could he just do that without consulting her, they had been together for one year after all. She had yelled and screamed at him for about teen minutes. He had never raised his voice. Not even when she had headed for the door after telling him that it was over.

_And I hope you find it  
What you're looking for  
And I hope it's everything you'd  
Dream your life would be so much more  
And I hope your happy  
Where ever you are  
I wanted you to know that  
That nothing's gonna change that  
And I hope you find it_

The second she had left his house she had felt the pain. But he hadn't followed her and he hadn't called the day after either. He hadn't contacted her the last two month actually. That is why she was so nervous. What if he didn't want her? Caitlyn decided that this was it. This was the last chance for her to get him back. She turned around, away from the audience and instead she looked straight at Nate.

_Whatever it is out there that you were  
missin here  
And I hope you find it  
What your lookin for  
And I hope its everyting you'd dream  
your life would be plus so much more  
and i hope your happy where ever you are  
I wanted you to know that  
That nothings gunna change that  
No No No No  
I hope you find it (x2)  
mmmhmmm  
Oooooooooh_

It had been horrifying to sing to such a big crowd but she had been thinking about Nate during the whole song and when it ended it felt like she hadn't even started. And for some reason the most horrifying of it all was ending the song and looking straight at Nate. He showed no emotions, he had worn the same face of indifference during the whole time she had been looking at him.

Caitlyn bowed her head, and turned around to the crowd once again and thanked them. They applauded her, but she didn't sense any of it, she just left the stage.

Caitlyn didn't even notice Mitchie once she left the stage. She went straight to Nate's chancing room, and nobody followed her. She knew they had a lot to discuss and she was prepared to apologize a hundred times if that is what it would take to get him back. She could have walked up to him on stage, but he still had a whole concert to play, and she didn't want the conversation to go by in a rush. And she wanted to give him the opportunity to think, like she had the last two months.

While she sat there she couldn't believe she had actually done it. She suffered from the worst stage fright and Nate knew this. Plus she hated her voice till no end, which was also why she wanted to be a producer. That way nobody needed to hear her voice, but she could still do something that had to do with music.

She smiled to herself. It actually hadn't been that bad.

She sat there not doing anything special, just thinking about what to say to Nate. Coming up with a way to explain herself, when suddenly the door was torn up. She looked up and saw a sweating looking Nate standing in the doorway.

He didn't say a word he just looked at her, he still had that emotionless face from before, and it scared her to no end.

''Nate I'm '' she started but she wasn't allowed to finish, because all of a sudden Nate was by her side.

He kissed her; it was the most passionate kiss they had ever shared. She took a firm on him, not wanting to let go. He embraced her even tighter and depended the kiss.

Suddenly she realized just how much she had missed him the last two months. It had been like hell for her, not knowing if she would ever get to talk to him again or touch him for that matter.

He slowly pulled away from her. Know it was only their foreheads that were touching each other. Nate smiled at her and pulled back from her all together, now standing a couple of feet away from her.

She felt the distance the second he stepped away and she wanted to reach out for him, but she didn't want to push her luck. She knew that he probably had some questions.

But he hadn't he just grinned at her.

''I'm so glad you changed your mind Cait.'' He sounded so happy and she couldn't find any sign of humor or teasing in his voice. What was going on? Why wasn't he mad? Why didn't he have any questions, and why didn't he demand an explanation?

''Why aren't you mad at me. I said some awful things.'' She whispered and looked down at her feet, feeling ashamed.

''Like you said, it was a broken heart talking. '' he had closed the distance a little bit again and took a hold on her hand.

'' Why didn't you call? You never tried to contact me. Not that I am blaming you'' She still wouldn't look up. She felt like she had no right to ask him this, but she needed to know if he had even thought about her.

He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head up so that she was now looking him in the eyes.

''I wanted to Caity, believe me I did. But I had to respect that you maybe didn't want to be with me. I mean I do understand that you didn't want to be with me, since we couldn't actually spend time together. That was one of the things that you said that actually made sense. And I didn't want to push you into something you weren't ready for. If you decided to be with me you had to do it on your own.'' He didn't hesitate and he didn't look anywhere other than in her eyes while he told her all this.

She felt like she could cry. She had really made him believe that she didn't want to be together with him.

'' I want to be with you Nate. I truly do, it just took me some time to figure it out.'' She whispered and was just about to look down once again, but she knew she had to be strong now. She had to make sure he understood what she had to say.

'' I was afraid to lose you, so I pushed you away myself. I thought it wouldn't hurt so much if it was me who ended it. But I know now that being without you hurts no matter what. I thought I knew what I was afraid off; I thought the only thing that could intimidate me was a stage. But when I saw you looking at me tonight I was sure I had lost you.'' She had tears in her eyes, but she was holding his gaze strongly not backing down at any moment.

Nate felt both proud and sad. He was proud that she had stood up to her fears. And the fact that she had done it to get him back only made him love her even more. But he also felt sad that he had coursed so much pain. It hadn't been his intention to make her think he didn't care, when she had song her song for him. He had just been so choked that he hadn't been able to show any emotions.

''Caity''

She wasn't backing down. She needed to get the last things out before she lost her courage. She therefore placed a finger over his lips, motion for him to be quit.

''I need to tell you this Nate. Tonight I learned that the thing that scares me more than anything is losing you. And I truly hope that my worst fear hasn't come true yet, that I still have a chance with you. '' her strong façade started to crumble and she looked vulnerable, more vulnerable than he had ever seen her.

''Don't worry Caitlyn. You never lost me and you never will. I will do all that is in my power to make sure that you will never experience this fear'' He took both her hands and pulled her into a tight embrace.

For the first time Caitlyn let down all her guards and relaxed. Facing your fears maybe wasn't such a bad thing. But that was one fear she would do everything to never experience and Nate wasn't the only one that would do all in his power to prevent it from happening, she would to.

Caitlyn Geller was a though girl, she wasn't afraid of many things. But there were one person that she feared to no end, because he had taken a hold on her heart and she begged to god that he would never let go.

She didn't only fear him, she also loved him. And the love had taken over.

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**I know there are probably mistakes, but I have tried to remove as many as possible.**

**Review and tell me what you think.**

**CamillaxbG**


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